why why why cant i be normal. Why do i have to be so emotional. Why do things have to effect me more than other people. WHY. WHy do i have to have depression, why do i have to have add, why do i have to have anxiety, why do i have to feel so many emotions. WHy do I have to love. Why do i have to hold on even tho it hurts me. WHy do i have to love, why do i have to have moodswings. Why do i have a poor body image. lol i'm going to stop complaining now.

okay so...

i work with this one guy that was in my freshman gym class.. he takes over my shift when i lifeguard. and.. lol at first i thought he was really hot, but.. uh... he is the biggest 21st century hippie i've ever known. he's into the whole psychadelic stuff and raves and how... reality is not real, how everything is just a dream. How.. we are not real.. we are just consciousness. physical matter is not actual physical matter, its just an illusion. yadda yadda yadda.  Haha he's 20 years old.  He made me stay and tlak to him for three hours after i worked... and he was like "NEXT TIME, IM GONNA COME EARLY AND BRING YOU A COFFEE... THEN YOU CAN STAY WHILE I WORK SO WE CAN TALK AND THEN I WILL DRIVE YOU HOME"  and i'm all like.... uhhh okayyy.... as i think "oh god what am i getting myself into"  
I dont really... like this guy. yeah as a friend...  but i dnw to get into a relationship with him... he's not my type and.. idt he's relationship material.
but last night he IMed me and we were talking for a few hours and lol its obvious he has some feeling for me.. cuz he asked about my rents and he was like "aww they wont like me" ... -___-  oh dear.
it makes me feel good about myself but, yes i know, some of you are gonna beat me, but i dont really want him. i want my old boy toy. as sick as it is, god. al;djfaldsfk oh just nvm lol

its all crazy. whats with ME PICKING UP GUYS THAT ARE SO NOT GOOD GUYS TO DATE AND GET SERIOUS WITH??!!??! LIKE WTF